Why is being right so wrong?

Recently my husband and I were debating over the purchase of a very costly item. He wanted it, and I did not. I was certain that it was something we did not need, and certain I did not want it. Well, honestly, I did want it a little bit, but my frugal upbringing was peering its cheap head and screaming, “Tell him NO WAY!” There were two very obvious reasons not to buy it: The one we have works fine, and we would not be able to save as much money each month. I was CERTAIN that I was right, we clearly did not need it!

This debate went on for several years. Sometimes it was heated and other times it was rather entertaining, but in my opinion, it always ended the same way, I was right, he was wrong, and we were not getting it. Not once did I ever look at the most important aspect of the entire discussion, the difference it made to my husband. Whether I was right did not matter. It was something we could do, and my stubborn hold on the purse strings was not helping our relationship.

The problem with being right is that you are most probably making someone else wrong. “But I AM right!” one might say. Yes, but, in the end, does it really matter? Let’s break it down into pros and cons, or “What I gain” vs. “What I lose.”

What I gain by being right.

• I get to prove my point (at least to myself)

• Others will see how smart I am (maybe)

• I get my way

What I lose by being right.

• Closeness with my spouse

• Willingness to share himself or herself with me

• Affection and intimacy

• Open communication (the other person is most likely considering you a dominating bully)

What happens when a person is claiming RIGHT is a very lonely event. He is not only making the other person wrong (which does not feel so swell to this other person) but he is also alienating himself as the all-knowing, great, superhero to whom no one can inflict an idea or thought. Hello, superhero person, this is a relationship that would work best if there were a two way communication, not a domination by the one who only fears kryptonite.

Try this: The next time you find yourself defending your ideas, look to see if you are just trying to be right. Consider if it really matters if you are right or not. Ask your partner how it is making him or her feel during this time. If you find yourself on the receiving end of the righteous one, tell him or her what it is costing your relationship at that point in time.

Bottom line: Being right is most likely getting you little more than “jerk” status with your spouse or friends/relatives/colleagues. Try lending an ear to the other person’s opinion and acknowledging that he or she has some good points that perhaps you had not thought of yourself.